It's a well known and published fact that I am a long suffer of depression. It has changed throughout the years cycling as traditional depression, to anxiety and fears. I have never really had a good reason to be depressed, as so many people find about depression, there is no reason, it's just looming over you. I am happy to say that after many many years of trying different medications I have been on one that has worked great, for me, for the last two or three years, it doesn't mean that it's full-proof, more that it does not come in such painful ways.
Recently I have found myself quite down. Like usual, I have better days than others. It's best if I am very busy, sitting around doesn't work well for my mind. Anyways, this last few months ( you maybe have notices I haven't been blogging) I have been spiraling down. I think this has been my longest bout of depression as an adult (Because weren't we all depressed during that 4 years of highschool? I know I was!) Anyways, I have upped some of my medications and I am starting to feel a little better (Which is why I'm blogging again!).
The un-exiting news is that not much has happened in the few months that it's been since I have been on the internet. The exciting news is that since I'm starting to feel on the mend and slightly normal again I am planning another epic Bolander adventure. The details are a little sketchy because my plan depends on my day. Possible locations include convincing my husband to (finally) let me get an RV and traveling around the east coast up to DC for a fun filled week at museums, Alaska like right now because it's SO HOT, Japan in 2015 or Bonaire in December... or all 4!
Since we are working diligently on becoming debt free these trips are being planned out as debt free trips. Sadly, there is still no sign of my reality show to watch the kids and I travel all over the world so we are paying for the expenses.
In addition to my travel plans I am excited that on Monday I am starting the 21 day fix lead by my wonderful sister.
I know this isn't the most exciting post in the world but I am just happy to be feeling up to blogging again!
Friday, September 5, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
My take on foster care
I had the pleasure of babysitting a tiny little bit tonight.
Baby who I will name Adorable is, adorable, and in foster care. As I snuggled
Adorable to death I was reminded of all of the emotions that come over you as a
foster parent. This is Adorable’s foster parent’s first foster kid. Not only
that, but they have a 7 month old bio son themselves. They took in an addicted
baby, when they have their own child to raise.
 |
| Baby Adorable and I blogging away |
We have all seen those blog posts about how hard it is to be
a foster parent, and how it’s worth it, and all. This is my take on it...
As a foster and adoptive parent I get comments everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
"God bless you for doing that."
"I’ve always thought about doing that."
"I could never give a kid up."
"When the time is right I am going to foster."
"I wish I could do that."
"You’re such a great person for taking in abused kids."
"There is a special place in heaven for you."
"You must have a heart of gold."
 | ||
| We heard all of the above comments at the beach in one hour. All in front of my kids which gets old for all of us. |
While I always appreciate any encouragement I can get, I
hear these same phrases so often that they have become blanket statements for
people to say, when they want to express their admiration for someone but don’t
know how. I smile, make a joke about how I just drink a lot of coffee and have
a bunch of bad ideas and walk away before anyone can bother to ask more
questions like, “Are any of them related?” (Please, do not ever ask an adoptive
parent this question in front of their children – use your head people.)
My feelings about foster care aren’t about how hard it is to
give a kid up, though it can be very difficult. For me, what has been hard is
looking the kids in their beautiful eyes and thinking about what has been, and
what could be. Those incredibly long nights, when you are awake with your addicted
baby who is screaming from withdrawal are hard, really hard. That time when you
look in your child’s eyes and you see the resemblance to their bio mom and a
moment of fear flashes through your mind of, “What if they turn out like that?”
and you can do nothing but pray and hope. Those moments when your child is
screaming to go back to the person who hurt them.
Those foster care classes where they give you the reality of foster care but then try and let you know how rewarding it can be, they can not prepare you for it all. Sometimes it’s not rewarding. Sometimes a child will come into your home and you cannot help them. Your skills and love do not match their needs, and you have to find that child another home. Sometimes, or a lot of times, you lock yourself in a bathroom and cry because you are so overwhelmed by the kid's behavior, or the thought of what happened to them, the thought of losing them or everything. Being a foster parent is overwhelming, and emotionally and physically exhausting. It’s not hard for me to love another person’s child, if you’re a kid in my home, you’re my child and I love you, though many times I may not like you. It’s hard to deal with bad behaviors and it’s hard to accept that people abuse children, but that’s what foster parents do, day in and day out. All while caseworkers, attorneys, and Guardian Ad Litem’s, come in and out of the home, make phone calls about you, and scrutinize if you have taken out your bathroom trash that week or not.
I don’t watch TV because it’s a great way for me to avoid
the news and reality of the world around me. I don’t get newspapers, I don’t
follow politics, and I don’t really care about much going on around me. But
abuse, I’m not in the business of ignoring reality. I copied this from www.adoptuskids.org
“More than 250,000 children in the U.S. enter the foster care
system every year. While more than half of these
children will return to their parents, the remainder will stay in the system.
Most of these children are living with foster families, but some also live in
group facilities. Each year more than 20,000 children age out of the foster
care without being adopted. Today there are 104,000 children in foster care waiting
to be adopted ranging in age from less than a year old to 21.”
Today, go thank a foster parent. Don’t give out any more blanket, “Oh your such a great person” statement. Go DO something for them. Foster parents are helping to change the entire world of the children in their homes. That’s a big freaking deal. Take them a meal, send them a gift card, or write them a thank you note. What we do behind closed doors is epic, even if you can’t see it. But to us, it’s all worth it, knowing that even if that kid was with us for just a few days, we helped make their life a little better.
I love being a foster parent. I know foster parenting is not for everyone, but if you have honestly been considering it, here is a video that Willy and I are in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwIA8y-YjY8
Thursday, January 30, 2014
21 facts you may not know about me
21 facts you may not know about me:
1) I am 28, but I’m only guessing, I may be 27 or 29. I generally have a vague idea of how old I am.
2) I met Willy in 1999 in high-school, we fake dated on and off for many years before officially dating.
3) Willy proposed to me in front of my entire family. This made me so mad I will never, ever, ever EVER let him live in down. I don’t like awkward moments and proposals are awkward, even more so with your family looking at you. I responded by saying “sure”, because I’m the anti-romantic.
4) I only watch funny movies, not romantic comedies, not dramas just comedy. I will also watch a few survival shows or animal shows.
5) I used to work at a zoo and handled snakes, chickens, alligators, lizards and other small animals. When in training, I freaked out over touching the chicken and dove. Snakes and alligators were nothing.
6) I was fired from aforementioned zoo for telling some kids I was not there to make sure they had fun, but to make sure things were safe. Apparently, 12 year old boys will tattle on you if you catch them trying to run on a log that you repeatedly asked them to get off. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
7) I teach all my kids, kids I find at the park, kids I babysit, or kids that come near me to say, “Eww, bird! Go away, bird!” and then to chase birds away from me. Birds are gross and the primary purpose of a child’s life is to chase birds away from me.
8) I moved from Florida to California 6 hours after I graduated high school. I really hated the town I lived in.
9) I have been a live-in and live-out nanny and home day care provider for so long that I can officially say everything that could happen to a child, has happened on my watch (except death- fingers crossed that never happens though). I know how to handle any terrible child, AND I’ve been puked on more times that you could ever imagine.
10) I have 2 cats, but if you come to my house you will never see them.
11) When we were engaged, Willy thought it was funny to tell people the wrong day that we were getting married. You know the “OHH, when are you getting married?!?!” question when you're engaged? He thought it was funny to always say the wrong date to get a rise out of me. As it turns out, I now don’t know what day we were married. Either the 4th or 5th. Subsequently, we don’t celebrate anniversaries because I don’t remember when it is.
12) I never wanted biological children, I have always wanted to adopt.
13) In high school and for several years after, I told people my worst nightmare was becoming a stay at home mom to lots of kids…… let that sink in.
14) I have 3 secret boyfriends. Secret because they don’t know about it, but, my husband totally does- Bear Grillys, Johnny Depp and Mike Rowe. Should you ever bump into them, please mention my name and that I would appreciate a phone call sometime.
15) I recently looked into buying a dog and my mom sent me like, a million texts, chastising me about how I have no idea how hard having a puppy is…. Like I don’t have 5 annoying kids that I deal with every day, and like I’m not a grown ass woman who has some sense about how annoying dogs are. Not that I’m bitter about this either.
16) I love hiking and adventures, but I married a man who hates the outdoors. He is, after… some amount of years that I don’t remember how long it’s actually been, coming around and starting to do some outdoor stuff. He also eats vegetables now too, which is why I am obviously a good influence.
17) I used to read all the time, and then I had a million kids. I get really mean when I read, because I read intense books and I don’t want to be interrupted. Family + Kristen reading books = bad.
18) I am fake famous for being that woman with a lot of kids who talks to everyone about foster care. I guess I talk a lot about fostering.
19) Multiple times in my life I have quit soda and caffeine for extended periods of times, and then I realize how stupid that is and open an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper and accept I may die a few years sooner.
20) I cloth diapered Eitan for almost a year and when we accepted our next foster baby Willy told me to never, ever put them on anyone ever again. He doesn’t even do the laundry!
21) I’m still nursing Sawyer, despite my best attempts to get him off, he loves boobies more than Elmo and I’m pretty sure that if he could express himself well enough he would choose “Milky Milk” as his bedroom and birthday theme.
1) I am 28, but I’m only guessing, I may be 27 or 29. I generally have a vague idea of how old I am.
2) I met Willy in 1999 in high-school, we fake dated on and off for many years before officially dating.
3) Willy proposed to me in front of my entire family. This made me so mad I will never, ever, ever EVER let him live in down. I don’t like awkward moments and proposals are awkward, even more so with your family looking at you. I responded by saying “sure”, because I’m the anti-romantic.
4) I only watch funny movies, not romantic comedies, not dramas just comedy. I will also watch a few survival shows or animal shows.
5) I used to work at a zoo and handled snakes, chickens, alligators, lizards and other small animals. When in training, I freaked out over touching the chicken and dove. Snakes and alligators were nothing.
6) I was fired from aforementioned zoo for telling some kids I was not there to make sure they had fun, but to make sure things were safe. Apparently, 12 year old boys will tattle on you if you catch them trying to run on a log that you repeatedly asked them to get off. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
7) I teach all my kids, kids I find at the park, kids I babysit, or kids that come near me to say, “Eww, bird! Go away, bird!” and then to chase birds away from me. Birds are gross and the primary purpose of a child’s life is to chase birds away from me.
8) I moved from Florida to California 6 hours after I graduated high school. I really hated the town I lived in.
9) I have been a live-in and live-out nanny and home day care provider for so long that I can officially say everything that could happen to a child, has happened on my watch (except death- fingers crossed that never happens though). I know how to handle any terrible child, AND I’ve been puked on more times that you could ever imagine.
10) I have 2 cats, but if you come to my house you will never see them.
11) When we were engaged, Willy thought it was funny to tell people the wrong day that we were getting married. You know the “OHH, when are you getting married?!?!” question when you're engaged? He thought it was funny to always say the wrong date to get a rise out of me. As it turns out, I now don’t know what day we were married. Either the 4th or 5th. Subsequently, we don’t celebrate anniversaries because I don’t remember when it is.
12) I never wanted biological children, I have always wanted to adopt.
13) In high school and for several years after, I told people my worst nightmare was becoming a stay at home mom to lots of kids…… let that sink in.
14) I have 3 secret boyfriends. Secret because they don’t know about it, but, my husband totally does- Bear Grillys, Johnny Depp and Mike Rowe. Should you ever bump into them, please mention my name and that I would appreciate a phone call sometime.
15) I recently looked into buying a dog and my mom sent me like, a million texts, chastising me about how I have no idea how hard having a puppy is…. Like I don’t have 5 annoying kids that I deal with every day, and like I’m not a grown ass woman who has some sense about how annoying dogs are. Not that I’m bitter about this either.
16) I love hiking and adventures, but I married a man who hates the outdoors. He is, after… some amount of years that I don’t remember how long it’s actually been, coming around and starting to do some outdoor stuff. He also eats vegetables now too, which is why I am obviously a good influence.
17) I used to read all the time, and then I had a million kids. I get really mean when I read, because I read intense books and I don’t want to be interrupted. Family + Kristen reading books = bad.
18) I am fake famous for being that woman with a lot of kids who talks to everyone about foster care. I guess I talk a lot about fostering.
19) Multiple times in my life I have quit soda and caffeine for extended periods of times, and then I realize how stupid that is and open an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper and accept I may die a few years sooner.
20) I cloth diapered Eitan for almost a year and when we accepted our next foster baby Willy told me to never, ever put them on anyone ever again. He doesn’t even do the laundry!
21) I’m still nursing Sawyer, despite my best attempts to get him off, he loves boobies more than Elmo and I’m pretty sure that if he could express himself well enough he would choose “Milky Milk” as his bedroom and birthday theme.
A guest post by Eitan
This is a post about racecars and snow-wolfeses:
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abcdchijklmnopqqrssh ijklmnopqrsstuvvabcdef gghijklmnopqrstuvwxxyz
abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz abchijklmnopqrstuvwxyz
Monday, January 6, 2014
Our resident black guy with a mohawk
In early January 2012 Willy Jr walked through our front door with possibly the worst caseworker that has ever walked the face of the earth. How he ended up in our home was quite a journey for him, us, and his foster parents.
Willy Jr was admitted to the hospital in March 2011. After a hospital stay he went into foster care. He was living in a home where he had to attend daycare full time. After a serious brain injury and several broken bones the judge ordered that he be moved into a foster home that had a stay at home mom, so he would not have to attend school until he was fully recovered. The attorney on the case knew just who to call.
Step in Gina and Kevin, Willy's foster parents for 9 months. Without them by his side I shutter to think of what would have happened to my boy. Willy was assigned a new worker shortly after he came into care. She never did see him while he was in the hospital, maybe that was part of the problem, she never knew the severity of his injuries.
As a foster parent our job description according to the state is to help reunify families while taking care of the child. In reality good foster parents love those children no matter how they behave, and detest people who hurt their babies. Of course I believe in rehabilitation, success stories, not stealing kids from good parents and all that other crap. The truth is, after a few cases as a foster parent you care about surviving the kid and whatever else the workers, attorneys, judges and guardian ad lidems throw at you. It's sadly some of the best foster parents who don't last long because they care so much. (On a side note, Willy Sr is doing some extensive research in foster parent retention)
Anyways, back to the actual story, what happened to Willy Jr was terrible. The judge on the bench described it as "The worse case of physical abuse I have seen in my 23 years". It's not exactly one of those cases where you really want to help with reunification. None the less this worker that he had was really pushing for reunification. Without turning this into a bashing caseworker section, instead of a post about my awesome son, I will highlight some things I can not stand about this woman. She told me she felt like he should live with a colored family. Umm, colored? Also, you don't like me adopting him because I'm white? How many other people you got lining up to adopt him,bitch woman? She filed medical neglect claims against his foster parents because he had ring worm. You know, because heaven forbid a child get ring worm. She has never answered her phone ever, or returned a phone call, ever.
OK, ok, o.k. We met Willy Jr during a birthday party. We had known Gina and Kevin from our foster care classes and spoke periodically about the trials of being a foster parent. Gina told me when she got the call for Willy, the girls and I prayed for them when he came. I fell in love with Willy the second I heard of him but Willy Sr really fell in love with him when we went to Gina's for another party (we like to party). Willy Jr walked up to Sr, held his hand and called him dad. heart, melt. They played ball and talked about spider man all night. After we left he told Gina that his daddy came to visit him. How could we NOT buy him?! I mean, seriously.
It was several months of hell trying to get Willy Jr properly terminated on. We were in the middle of a move from Houston, TX to Tallahassee, FL so everyone knew it would take a while to get Willy moved to us and the judge made it clear that he WOULD be moving to us. To get Willy properly terminated on ended up being quite an ordeal. His alleged father lived in another state and was incarcerated. To serve him with papers required several state employees, across several different states, to communicate. By the time someone went to the prison to serve him, he had been released to a half-way house. So, the process had to start all over again. But, guess what?!?!?! yeah, by the time they were going to serve him at the half way house, yup, he had moved into a home for house arrest. Third times the charm he was served. This process took close to 5 months. Then, oh, hey, guess what, he has some great aunt who may be willing to raise Willy Jr. So, then it's onto contacting great aunt, background checks, home studies. Nope, she can't take him. After several relatives later (this is very common in foster care - parents keep naming relatives who can take the kids) they finally decided that no one could take him. His bio mom went MIA after testing positive several times for drugs.
After Willy's TPR (termination of parental rights) it took 3.5 months to move him from Gina's to us. By this point we lived in FL and to cross a foster child over state lines requires an ICPC. This paperwork is NUTS. Our homestudy had to be sent from our caseworker to the ICPC office in Tallahassee, they sent it to the ICPC office in Austin TX, they sent it to his worker in Houston, TX, the worker approved it, she sent it back to Austin, who sent it to Tallahassee, who sent it to our caseworker, who emailed his worker in TX to let her know she received the approval. True story.
It took Willy Jr several weeks to not cry every night for his momma Gina and daddy Kevin. Even though he was very excited to move in with us, it was still hard on him to leave the family who helped him heal from the most traumatic event in his life. Without them, he wouldn't be as well adjusted and happy as he is. 2 years later all the kids now call them momma Gina and daddy Kevin. Their children are still his brother and sister. He still talks about his best memories there. His middle name is their last name.
Willy Jr has never once asked about his past. If you ask him, he says "it's in the past". The picture we have of his bio mom, he says all he knows is that she knew the guy who hurt him and he doesn't want to look at her picture ever again. That's it. For having been almost 4 years old when all of that happened, he is amazingly unfazed. He spent time in play therapy and was released from it when the therapist said "I don't know why he's ok, but he really truly is". Willy Jr is quiet, reserved, sneaky, has the worst smelling feet, and the most snuggly personality ever. I love him and trust me, when I say that should I ever come across the man who hurt him..... it would not be good for him.
Every night at 8pm he says "I'm ready for bed, then gets in bed and falls asleep before I'm done saying good night. This, hands down makes him the coolest kid ever on the face of the planet.
Willy Jr was admitted to the hospital in March 2011. After a hospital stay he went into foster care. He was living in a home where he had to attend daycare full time. After a serious brain injury and several broken bones the judge ordered that he be moved into a foster home that had a stay at home mom, so he would not have to attend school until he was fully recovered. The attorney on the case knew just who to call.
Step in Gina and Kevin, Willy's foster parents for 9 months. Without them by his side I shutter to think of what would have happened to my boy. Willy was assigned a new worker shortly after he came into care. She never did see him while he was in the hospital, maybe that was part of the problem, she never knew the severity of his injuries.
As a foster parent our job description according to the state is to help reunify families while taking care of the child. In reality good foster parents love those children no matter how they behave, and detest people who hurt their babies. Of course I believe in rehabilitation, success stories, not stealing kids from good parents and all that other crap. The truth is, after a few cases as a foster parent you care about surviving the kid and whatever else the workers, attorneys, judges and guardian ad lidems throw at you. It's sadly some of the best foster parents who don't last long because they care so much. (On a side note, Willy Sr is doing some extensive research in foster parent retention)
Anyways, back to the actual story, what happened to Willy Jr was terrible. The judge on the bench described it as "The worse case of physical abuse I have seen in my 23 years". It's not exactly one of those cases where you really want to help with reunification. None the less this worker that he had was really pushing for reunification. Without turning this into a bashing caseworker section, instead of a post about my awesome son, I will highlight some things I can not stand about this woman. She told me she felt like he should live with a colored family. Umm, colored? Also, you don't like me adopting him because I'm white? How many other people you got lining up to adopt him,
OK, ok, o.k. We met Willy Jr during a birthday party. We had known Gina and Kevin from our foster care classes and spoke periodically about the trials of being a foster parent. Gina told me when she got the call for Willy, the girls and I prayed for them when he came. I fell in love with Willy the second I heard of him but Willy Sr really fell in love with him when we went to Gina's for another party (we like to party). Willy Jr walked up to Sr, held his hand and called him dad. heart, melt. They played ball and talked about spider man all night. After we left he told Gina that his daddy came to visit him. How could we NOT buy him?! I mean, seriously.
 |
| This is his real hair, not a wig |
It was several months of hell trying to get Willy Jr properly terminated on. We were in the middle of a move from Houston, TX to Tallahassee, FL so everyone knew it would take a while to get Willy moved to us and the judge made it clear that he WOULD be moving to us. To get Willy properly terminated on ended up being quite an ordeal. His alleged father lived in another state and was incarcerated. To serve him with papers required several state employees, across several different states, to communicate. By the time someone went to the prison to serve him, he had been released to a half-way house. So, the process had to start all over again. But, guess what?!?!?! yeah, by the time they were going to serve him at the half way house, yup, he had moved into a home for house arrest. Third times the charm he was served. This process took close to 5 months. Then, oh, hey, guess what, he has some great aunt who may be willing to raise Willy Jr. So, then it's onto contacting great aunt, background checks, home studies. Nope, she can't take him. After several relatives later (this is very common in foster care - parents keep naming relatives who can take the kids) they finally decided that no one could take him. His bio mom went MIA after testing positive several times for drugs.
After Willy's TPR (termination of parental rights) it took 3.5 months to move him from Gina's to us. By this point we lived in FL and to cross a foster child over state lines requires an ICPC. This paperwork is NUTS. Our homestudy had to be sent from our caseworker to the ICPC office in Tallahassee, they sent it to the ICPC office in Austin TX, they sent it to his worker in Houston, TX, the worker approved it, she sent it back to Austin, who sent it to Tallahassee, who sent it to our caseworker, who emailed his worker in TX to let her know she received the approval. True story.
It took Willy Jr several weeks to not cry every night for his momma Gina and daddy Kevin. Even though he was very excited to move in with us, it was still hard on him to leave the family who helped him heal from the most traumatic event in his life. Without them, he wouldn't be as well adjusted and happy as he is. 2 years later all the kids now call them momma Gina and daddy Kevin. Their children are still his brother and sister. He still talks about his best memories there. His middle name is their last name.
Willy Jr has never once asked about his past. If you ask him, he says "it's in the past". The picture we have of his bio mom, he says all he knows is that she knew the guy who hurt him and he doesn't want to look at her picture ever again. That's it. For having been almost 4 years old when all of that happened, he is amazingly unfazed. He spent time in play therapy and was released from it when the therapist said "I don't know why he's ok, but he really truly is". Willy Jr is quiet, reserved, sneaky, has the worst smelling feet, and the most snuggly personality ever. I love him and trust me, when I say that should I ever come across the man who hurt him..... it would not be good for him.
 |
| He made this necklace for his brother and sister at momma Gina's house |
Every night at 8pm he says "I'm ready for bed, then gets in bed and falls asleep before I'm done saying good night. This, hands down makes him the coolest kid ever on the face of the planet.
 |
| Willy Jr's adoption 2013! |
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