I asked the kids questions

This morning I scooped up each kid and spent some snuggle time with each of them. I asked each of them a series of questions
What is your favorite thing about yourself and your least favorite thing about yourself. I then asked them the same questions about each of their siblings, Willy and I.

I was so humbled by each of their answers, but I was so surprised at the similarity of each of their answers

Lisa is kind, considerate, helpful and always willing to share or give things up for other people
She is also bossy and impulsive

Willy Jr is quiet and reserved and fair
He also will lie to keep from getting in trouble

Tilly is everyone's favorite to play with one on one. Each of her siblings said playing with just her is the funnest thing ever. Tilly said she liked how smart she is.
We all agree that she could use some work on her self control.

Eitan everyone (including himself) said their favorite thing about him was how crazy he was.
Least favorite thing was his lack of personal boundaries (he hits people)

Sawyer did not participate in this game. He doesn't say but just a few words. But we played for him.
Everyone loves Sawyer dancing and trying to communicate with us.
No one likes when he cries he also bites. No one likes that either.

Daddy works so hard so we can have food and a house, but no one likes it when he yells.

Mommy (I'm not making this up ya'll) is awesome and the best mommy ever. I yell, but each kid in their own way said they understood why I get frustrated.

Then, this is where I truly became humbled, I asked what their favorite and least favorite thing we have ever done as a family.
I kid you not, all 4 of them told me their favorite thing we have done is hang out. I asked them specifically about going to the beach, aquarium etc and every one of them said "that stuff is fun, but my favorite thing is to just hang out together".

Least favorite thing "being sent to our rooms to be alone". Except for Willy Jr who said reading "The Never Ending Story" was his least favorite thing, because "mom, it's SOooOOOOooo hard to understand".

How humbling to be reminded about what really matters, spending time together.

Four years ago

Four years ago Willy and I accepted our first foster placement. After saying no to several calls we finally said yes. When placement called they were able to tell me that it was a sibling group, two girls ages 1 & 3 and were white (hint – they aren’t). That’s it. The lady on the phone literally did not know anything else about them.

We got that call around 3pm and the placement worker told me the caseworker would call me to tell me when she was coming. At 8pm I still had not heard anything. I didn’t know the workers name, number or which office she worked in. I started calling after hours numbers and finally had someone tell me they would have her call me. At 10:30 Lisa and Tilly arrived. We met them outside in the parking lot of our apartment complex. Tilly was 20 months old and Lisa was 3.5 years old. We ordered a pizza not knowing when the last time they had been fed. This set up a tradition for us that every time we get a foster placement we order pizza! They were so happy to see that we had a Christmas tree up and a dog who loved to lick them. After the worker told very little information and had us sign a few forms we were officially guardians of two beautiful girls. The worker told us that she was no longer going to be the point of contact and the girls would be assigned a new worker in 24 hours. That ended up taking 3 months, but, that’s another story. 

Lisa eating our first meal, pizza, together

Tilly eating our first meal, pizza, together

In the interest of privacy I am not going to speak about the kids past. It’s not my story to tell. But I will talk about their time with us.

Willy and I were not prepared for the behaviors that came with the girls. It was stressful and alienating (this is a huge reason Willy and I have a support group for other foster homes). We didn’t know any other foster parents close by. The other out of state foster homes that we did know, only dealt with babies. The best way I could describe the girls is like feral dogs. Lisa was almost non-verbal. Tilly had serious issues with food. It was obvious the girls had not had much structure.  We basically had to shut down our entire world. I was not prepared for that. I was not prepared to have to get in their face and yell, just to have them acknowledge me. It took probably 3 weeks before we had any type of break through with them. I remember the first time I saw them play together. I cried. For four weeks they had totally ignored each other, survival of the fittest.  But one day, they held hands and jumped up and down and sang a Barney song. It was beautiful, but also so devastating to realize that this may have been the first time in their lives that they felt secure enough to play. We were thankfully able to get them into a specialist play therapist. She dealt with some of their specific issues that not all play therapists could handle in such detail. I noticed such a dramatic difference in their behavior and acceptance after they started in therapy. 

I am very happy to say that despite our very rough beginning both Lisa and Tilly are very well adjusted and happy. They both know they are adopted and are understanding of their past situation. Lisa is very deep, things weigh heavily on her soul. She is upset that she is losing some of her memories of her biological family. She recently told me she cannot remember their faces and that was really upsetting to her. We spent time talking about it, praying about it, and praying for healing for everyone. Tilly at this time doesn’t think about it much. She is happy and content to listen to her sister and I talk about everything. She finds healing from her past by helping her sister when she gets upset.

I am very thankful we have been able to survive our girls. And I am so thankful that we said yes to a sibling group. Allowing them to come into a home with something familiar, family, was so very therapeutic for them and watching them grow together is amazing. Their bond is stronger than other kids we know. Knowing they needed each other to survive keeps them close. 

Lisa

Lisa, 7, came to us with her sister (Tilly) when she was 3.5 years old. She and Tilly were officially adopted a year later.  Lisa competes in gymnastics and loves it. She works out every day and is very dedicated to her sport. Lisa is the most tender hearted, kind, compassionate and helpful person. For having had such a difficult start in life she is such an over comer. Lisa is often my co-pilot through the day. Without her calm reasoning with her siblings, and willingness to help I'm not sure any of us could survive.